"Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." — George Bernard Shaw

When you graduated from college, moved out of your parents’ house, or took that next big step into adulthood, you likely heard the following from someone in your life:

“This is the most exciting time in your life! Make the most of it. Live every day to the fullest. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.”

And yet, maybe it didn’t feel as exciting as it should have. Your 20s and 30s, despite being the rumored “most exciting time of your life,” can often be the most disorienting. They involve so many big decisions and new experiences that you’ll find yourself wondering, “What am I doing with my life?” or “Am I doing this right?” more often than you’d probably like.

As you go through these transitions, you may experience a quarterlife crisis. This phenomenon is incredibly common for quarterlifers. Keep reading to learn the signs and symptoms below.

My Story

When I was in my mid-twenties, I found myself living in two of the world’s most vibrant cities, London and New York. On the surface, I was courageously following my dream of acting in the theatre with a fierce, insatiable commitment. Every day was a whirlwind of auditions, travel, rehearsals, and performances. I was surrounded by the buzz of city life, new friends, and my future seemed full of endless possibilities.

Yet, beneath this excitement and ambition, I felt profoundly lost and scared. I dated emotionally unavailable men because I was afraid of committing to anything or anyone that might pull me off course while simultaneously hoping that these people would quell my deep loneliness and uncertainty about my future. The relentless pursuit of my acting career, which should have been fulfilling, often felt like an endless treadmill. As I met my goals and benchmarks—a national tour, a major lead, a bigger festival, a TV show, my name on a marquee in a famous theatre—true spiritual and emotional fulfillment never arrived. I would lie awake at night, my mind racing with questions: “Am I on the right path?” “Why do I feel so alone and uncertain?” "What is true happiness?" "Will I be okay?" "Do I even like this?" "Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like?" "Will I be alone forever?" "Is this even still my dream life?"

Spoiler Alert: I left acting in my early thirties and became a therapist. And no, I would not be alone forever... and neither will you!

Are You Having a Quarterlife Crisis?

Signs of a Quarterlife Crisis

You may be having a quarterlife crisis if you are feeling:

  • Lost in life: You’re unsure about what you want to do and feel like you’re missing something vital.
  • Overwhelmed by adulting tasks: Everyday responsibilities feel like insurmountable challenges.
  • Stuck in indecision: Making even small choices feels paralyzing.
  • Decreased motivation: You struggle to find the energy to move forward.
  • Fatigue: You feel constantly tired, no matter how much rest you get.
  • Tension between adventure (YOLO) and settling down: You’re torn between living a carefree life and making “grown-up” decisions.
  • Left behind as friends move forward in their lives: Watching peers succeed while you feel stuck can be disheartening.

If you’re struggling with some of these things, you are not alone. At Robin Evan Willis Counselling and Psychotherapy in Sidney, BC, I love helping young adults navigate their quarterlife crisis and thrive in their lives. I am a BIPOC ally and LGBTQIA affirmative. All are welcome!

What is a Quarterlife Crisis?

Understanding the Quarterlife Crisis

A quarterlife crisis is that period in our twenties or early thirties where we experience overwhelming stress and anxiety regarding the transition from carefree possibility to fear and uncertainty of what's next. We may worry we won't make the “right” choice as we transition from school to a full-time career, begin graduate school, move to a new city, end a relationship, get engaged, or start budgeting finances. It is a turning point in our lives, marked by an indefinite transition period filled with questions and uncertainty.

How Did You Get Here?

If a lot of the above signs resonate with you, you may wonder how you got here. What brought on this quarterlife crisis? While these are incredibly common issues for most people in their 20s and 30s, some common stressors can lead to this uncertainty. Here are some events that may have you feeling this way:

  • Excessive Job Searching: Constant interviews and career planning can lead to feeling overwhelmed and uncertain.
  • Living Alone for the First Time: Struggling with the independence and responsibility of living alone.
  • Navigating New Relationships: Dealing with new and serious relationships can be a major source of stress.
  • Fear of Life Changes: Anxiety about major life changes or the lack thereof.

Practical Steps for Navigating a Quarterlife Crisis

Actionable Steps to Find Your Path

  1. Express Gratitude: Focus on what you have rather than what you lack. This mindset shift can help you appreciate the journey and reduce feelings of inadequacy.
  2. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Everyone’s journey is unique. Comparison is the thief of joy and can lead to unnecessary stress.
  3. Listen to Your True Self: Pay attention to the inner voice guiding you. This voice often knows what you need better than anyone else.
  4. Rapid Prototype Your Career: Try different short-term experiences to see what fits. This approach allows you to explore various paths without long-term commitment.
  5. Seek Professional Help: Therapy can provide the support you need to navigate this period. Studies have shown that seeking professional help can significantly improve your well-being during a quarterlife crisis.

What Can Help a Quarterlife Crisis?

As noted above, a quarterlife crisis is far from abnormal for 20 and 30-somethings. If you’re experiencing the signs and symptoms above, you’re not alone! Here are some strategies to help navigate this challenging period:

  • Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a therapist to discuss your feelings and gain perspective.
  • Set Realistic Goals: Break down your long-term goals into smaller, manageable steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
  • Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that it’s okay to feel uncertain.
  • Limit Comparisons: Focus on your own journey and try to limit comparisons to others.
  • Stay Flexible: Be open to change and new opportunities, even if they don’t align with your initial plans.

At Robin Evan Willis Counselling and Psychotherapy, I will encourage you to face your quarterlife crisis and confront these important issues sooner rather than later. If ignored, they can bring about risky behavior and mental health issues. Remember, it's okay to seek help and take the time to find your way through this exciting yet challenging phase of life.

Embracing Your Quarterlife Journey

Finding Strength and Purpose

Your twenties can be a time of possibility, inspiration, and the discovery of your deepest values and truths. It can also be a time of challenge as you begin creating the kind of life your soul is calling for. Embrace the journey, face your fears, and remember that meaningful work and a fulfilling life are within reach.

Get in touch and let's start building the life you want together, one that aligns with your values and aspirations. Whether you’re in Sidney, BC, Victoria, Vancouver, or anywhere in British Columbia, I'm here to help you thrive.